12:45 AM cleaning with Smells Like Teen Spirit blaring throughout the house.
Sleeping in until 2 PM with no intention to get up.
Locking yourself away midshift at your job in the single-stall to cry.
Forcing yourself to work double shifts every day for a week with no food until you get the shakes.
Night running in a poor lit middle-class neighborhood until you puke.
Spending an entire paycheck on alcohol to not even get drunk.
Reevaluating the better things in life because I know I don't deserve it.
Going into a fit of rage every single time her name comes across my screen.
Confiding in people that I know will hurt me in the end, but insisting it's what I deserve.
Finally gaining a brief sense of self and fighting back.
Relapsing into self deprecation.
Only drinking water at 3 AM.
Loving those who harm me.
Hating those who love me.
Not allowing myself to grow.
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